Love thyself

Until a few years ago, words like ‘feeling low’ (and also simultaneously, the other side of the coin, viz. ‘getting high’) were strangers to us. Growing up has its own flip sides I believe. But of course neither do I support frowning about what is, and unnecessarily glorifying what was or what could have been.
I have grown up. And I am happy about it.
Starting out at a good school, degree at a sought-after engineering college, leaving home for masters at a famed institute of technology and ultimately settling down for doctoral studies at another premier research institute. Perhaps we are at a wonderful stage of life where the hunger to learn is still there, yet with a contention and appreciation of what we have already learnt. And the learning of course is not confined to academics only, but also applies to life in general.
However, moving from school to college, from college to university, from university to institute, what is concerning is that we have perhaps been moving more and more further away from simplicity. Often times we are stuck at the superficial level of apparent intricacy and hence we take time in realizing that life is simple.
And hence, beautiful.
In this premier research institute, there are workers, researchers and professors on one hand and messes, canteens and juice centers on the other where the aforementioned species collect for myriads of discussions, about almost anything under the sun. Yet, the vibrance is some how on the lower side. We have perhaps made expressing dissatisfaction our foremost nature.
The funda of classifying friends must be well known to all of us. Some are amazingly close to us, some are trustworthy, some we would generally hang out with yet from a distance, while some are mere acquaintances who can be called ‘duur ka dost’, analogous to the ‘duur ka rishtedaar’ of the Indian family tradition.
So one day early morning I was having a glass of moosambi juice along with a trace of fresh air hoping to increase the sattva element in my genes (for I heard from someone long ago that fruits are the perfect examples of sattvik food, and of course I had to pay 1500 bucks for learning this in the form of an ‘empowerment’ workshop, no free lunches my friend!), when a ‘duur ka dost’ of mine bumped into me. It is a tradition here to have an initial greeting session, that is, asking for ‘kushal-mangal’ in the form of the following question: ‘How is your research coming along?’
Once that was over, I realized that my ‘duur ka dost’ was a philanthropist, too. For, within a few minutes, and even without my asking for it, he showed his concern for me by cautioning me and pointing out what might be the disadvantages of working with the advisor I have chosen for myself for my doctoral work. That he might be very busy, that other than whatever possible by virtue of his position, he cannot render any help, and so on. I was not surprised. Such baseless accusation and apprehension was not new. And like the previous cases, I wanted to test my hypothesis once again.
So I asked him how his own advisor was. Initially he was generous. He told me that his own advisor did not have any of the problems which my advisor was accused to have. (Was that also to make me feel envious?) For, as predictable, when I asked him further, he soon delved deeper into problems, which according to him, was unique to his professor. That he cannot find his professor during his problems, that his professor presents new ideas and instructions at every meeting and so on. And hence, now, the prime motto of his is to somehow publish 1-2 papers, submit his thesis and leave this place for ever (and for good).
In ordinary cases, when two people are together for a work, difference of opinion is bound to happen. But what troubles me here is the skewness of expectations that the students generally have about their advisors. This, as I mentioned before, was not anything new. I am sure, professors would also be equally unhappy about students. All of us are perhaps trying to minimize our efforts and time in everything we are into.
As a result of which, eventually a time comes when both parties look forward to finishing the association somehow. And we call it – the awarding of the degree!
And sadly, with a very few lucky exceptions, this is the general trend among almost all branches of education. Not only here, but perhaps everywhere in the world!
That is why it did not take me time to realize that this ‘duur ka dost’ of mine is not into his research simply for the love of it. He is lost in other complexities. My hypothesis yet again could not be rejected. And I cannot really blame him because the system stays healthy only with such apparent complexities.
In an independent incident, another of my friend was having a discussion with his advisor about an article he accidentally found in a journal. My friend was fascinated by the work those people had done, and with a lot of excitement of sharing, he went to his advisor. But, academics, alas, is not sacrosanct! And perhaps also not as pure as we conceive them to be.
His advisor, after listening for two minutes asked him – ‘what transfer function have they used: linear or non-linear?’, ‘linear’ my friend replied, still unable to understand what the professor is going to comprehend out of this and still with his excitement un-extinguished. Out came the reply – ‘then we can apply the non-linear function, and publish a paper out of it’!
My friend was shocked at this reply! And grossly dejected. The whole purpose of finding out and appreciating a really good quality of research was lost!
No. The professor cannot be blamed either. He has hundreds of responsibilities to shoulder, and also incessantly do well on whatever ‘performance index’ has been set on to him by the system.
All this is not new. There are novels, stories, TV series, and even a celebrated comic strip illustrating all these nuances and fallacies of a life in research. However, what we take out of this is perhaps not limited to entertainment alone.
And our learning is essentially the outcome an age-old wisdom. Love.
To our professors we may be students, and to us they may be professors, but we share identities that tie us together. We are all humans. And a simple thing such as respect for a person as a human being, for being the person he or she is, is viciously lost in the complexities that are churned up by issues totally material in nature.
I can discuss with my professor about Buddhist philosophy on Facebook, and he attends my music shows and cares to congratulate me if I do well in them. He lures me to studies by promising gifts when I am down with no appetite for exams, and many may find it difficult to believe, that he actually goes all the way to bring me the books that he had promised. And of course, I do not mind him being ruthless if I had been negligent and insincere. Neither do I expect him to spoon-feed me at this stage of learning. PhD is the last stage in our education where we can raise questions freely, for, once this phase gets over, we will be asked questions and we will be liable to find answers. And I do not know whether I am more happy for feeling so lucky, or more unhappy that this is a very very rare example in any of the educational institutes meant for higher studies.
I was a little surprised about the PhD interview I had to face before admission here. I was not asked a single non-technical question! I expected at least one question that would make us ponder for a while: why would we want to do a PhD?
And in many cases I am sure the answer would be simple. But perhaps, lost.
Which is why we stop loving what we are doing. And when we are in such a fix, we start finding faults in trivial matters. Our expectations grow boundlessly and in wide and impractical directions. And eventually, we forget to love ourselves.
Do I need to mention about the unfortunate suicide cases that keep on happening in many institutes in the country? There have even been cases where students went absconding from their studying/working places! Our heads hang in shame on such news.
Beauty can be in all that we do, see or think about. If we love it while doing it, cleaning a room can give us as much bliss and joy as painting a picture or singing a song. And sometimes, to realize this, it is also important to go through troubles and to be sad. For when we are alone, we might start loving ourselves. And love life, too.
We all know this, don’t we?

And sometimes, however, it is important to not work, too! For, through this process we might learn how to handle the problematic situation we might face by not working, who knows? :-)